After the hearing, things have become very turbulent. I have been handed a ruling beyond my ability to comply and my soon to be ex and her pit bull lawyer have become more hostile and unreasonable.
Right now I'm struggling with the emotions of being separated from my children. I could have left my ex long ago, but I stayed for the children and the hope that someday my ex would help work through the issues.
What I got for my 16 years of trying to work through things, including the last three with professional counseling was a huge disappointment, denial of access to my children, a legal ruling and prohibitions that bound me to impossible conditions. The conditions would incarcerate me if the current trend to jail "dead beat dads" continued.
My soon to be ex was introducing the elements of parental alienation. I worked varied shifts and days. Many times she would call just before one of our children's events at school and tell me about the event even though she had known 1-2 weeks ahead of time. She knew most of the time I couldn't get off work with that short of a notice. She would tell my children, "See your father doesn't care enough about you to show up or pay his child support." Even though both were lies and both were documented.
She didn't have to worry, she had the protection of the unfamily courts and later Child Support Enforcement. She got what every she wanted and could do anything she wanted with their backing.
She didn't have to worry, she had the protection of the unfamily courts and later Child Support Enforcement. She got what every she wanted and could do anything she wanted with their backing.
As the next few months wore on and the battles continued, I took my vacation and comp time to move out of state and put some distance between the conflict. It was getting way out of hand and very hostile. I tried to get a leave of absence, but my company wouldn't grant one. I had intended to move closer to my parents in the Southeast. Perhaps with the geographic buffer things would cool down and I would get my visitations again.
As I was to learn later, the less Dad was involved with his children the larger child support award Mom would get. The objective was to shut Dad completely out of the picture so Mom had complete control of the children and enough money she wouldn't have to work.
I painfully learned later that the other objective was to make life so hard for me I'd come back and if I didn't I'd be punished. I had embarrassed her by filing for a divorce, how dare I! Her lawyer, the unfamily courts, and later Support Enforcement would support her in these efforts. She just had to agree to prostitute herself as their poster child.
When I arrived at my parents, my mother gave me a letter my ex had written to them pleading for their help getting me to return to my "loving family". I really missed my sons and it sounded like she had finally recognized the issues we had with a willingness to work through them. I had heard it many times before, but I really didn't want to leave them.
As I was to learn later, the less Dad was involved with his children the larger child support award Mom would get. The objective was to shut Dad completely out of the picture so Mom had complete control of the children and enough money she wouldn't have to work.
I painfully learned later that the other objective was to make life so hard for me I'd come back and if I didn't I'd be punished. I had embarrassed her by filing for a divorce, how dare I! Her lawyer, the unfamily courts, and later Support Enforcement would support her in these efforts. She just had to agree to prostitute herself as their poster child.
When I arrived at my parents, my mother gave me a letter my ex had written to them pleading for their help getting me to return to my "loving family". I really missed my sons and it sounded like she had finally recognized the issues we had with a willingness to work through them. I had heard it many times before, but I really didn't want to leave them.
After some phone calls and verbal agreements, I agreed to return only with certain conditions. First and foremost was getting us back to counseling to help us through our issues. I couldn't stand the thought of going through this nightmare again.
My parents were of course concerned about my returning to the clutches of my evil ex, but they understood if there was a chance to salvage the relationship I would do so to be with my children.
We reluctantly parted and I began my return trip. It was a joyful reunion, almost a year apart and I had missed so much. It was only the forerunner of the future.
A few days after I had returned, I asked my ex what she had told our friends and her family. She casually replied, "That you were having a mid-life crisis."
I was shocked, but not surprised. She couldn't even admit to those that were close to us that we were having problems. The blame was entirely on me! Another omen of the future.
Reminds me of the Don Henley song, "The End of Innocence":
My parents were of course concerned about my returning to the clutches of my evil ex, but they understood if there was a chance to salvage the relationship I would do so to be with my children.
We reluctantly parted and I began my return trip. It was a joyful reunion, almost a year apart and I had missed so much. It was only the forerunner of the future.
A few days after I had returned, I asked my ex what she had told our friends and her family. She casually replied, "That you were having a mid-life crisis."
I was shocked, but not surprised. She couldn't even admit to those that were close to us that we were having problems. The blame was entirely on me! Another omen of the future.
Reminds me of the Don Henley song, "The End of Innocence":
Remember when the days were long
And rolled beneath a deep blue sky
Didn't have a care in the world
With mommy and daddy standing by
When "happily ever after" fails
And we've been poisoned by these fairy tales
The lawyers dwell on small details
Since daddy had to fly
But I know a place where we can go
That's still untouched by man
We'll sit and watch the clouds roll by
And the tall grass waves in the wind
You can lay your head back on the ground
And let your hair fall all around me
Offer up your best defense
But this is the end
This is the end of the innocence...
And rolled beneath a deep blue sky
Didn't have a care in the world
With mommy and daddy standing by
When "happily ever after" fails
And we've been poisoned by these fairy tales
The lawyers dwell on small details
Since daddy had to fly
But I know a place where we can go
That's still untouched by man
We'll sit and watch the clouds roll by
And the tall grass waves in the wind
You can lay your head back on the ground
And let your hair fall all around me
Offer up your best defense
But this is the end
This is the end of the innocence...
We finished the rest of the year and into the first part of 1997 with all of us trying (or at least pretending in her case) to do our best as a family. That would end soon, she had another plan that she was waiting to spring as soon as she thought I was settled and wouldn't leave.
I noticed that she continually put off attending counseling again using the holidays as an excuse. I made a compromise that within the first two weeks of January we'd be in counseling. She made a vague commitment that I let slide. I wanted to enjoy my time at home and with my children. I'd worry about it later too.
I couldn't see it, but I had an uneasy feeling about the storm just over the horizon. I tried my best to shut out the thoughts over the holidays...why spoil them?
I noticed that she continually put off attending counseling again using the holidays as an excuse. I made a compromise that within the first two weeks of January we'd be in counseling. She made a vague commitment that I let slide. I wanted to enjoy my time at home and with my children. I'd worry about it later too.
I couldn't see it, but I had an uneasy feeling about the storm just over the horizon. I tried my best to shut out the thoughts over the holidays...why spoil them?
ARTICLES:
Gender Bias In The Unfamily Courts
Denver Post PAS Article
Federal Scheme To Destroy Father
