Here I sit among the swirling emotions, clinical results, and grim reality that I'm worth
more dead than alive and my spouse just tried to collect. Our marriage counselor had
foretold this months before it happened as one of three possibilities. Our issues had
become so severe three years earlier, out of desperation to "make things right" and get
our family on track I did the unimaginable – I sought out help. My spouse resisted and I
had to give her the choice of working through the issues with a counselor or ending our
torment with a visit to a lawyer and the unfamily court.
Since my spouse has deep dark secrets and issues she still to this day hasn't resolved she wasn't too thrilled to seek out someone that would make her address these issues. The alternative was less thrilling since she understood it would mean a loss of status, lifestyle, and of course money. Later, she discovered the system allowed her to bankrupt me – twice and never allow me to recover, extorting a large sum of money for the remainder of my existence. She hardly noticed any decline in her standard of living – in fact it has been very good for the past 10 years.
I had experienced divorce with my parents and knew the pain involved for the whole
family. My spouse had not lived through the nightmare and was clueless. I struggled
with the broken promise to myself that I would NEVER subject my family to this
nightmare and would have the perfect family I didn't have. Little did I know I was ill
equipped in many areas of my life to keep this promise. I had negative logic – I knew
what not to do so the opposite must be what to do. I was always trying to learn through
reading and questions to those who seem to have a better clue on how to be a good father
and husband.
It wasn't until I started counseling and getting missing pieces of the "puzzle" that I
discovered how much I still had to learn. I take a share of the responsibilities for the
problems we had in our family and our marriage. The difference, as I noticed and the
counselors noticed, was that I was willing to accept my positive and negative
contributions and work through the issues. My spouse was less than enthused because it represented a change in the balance of power and control – she would have to
acknowledge and treat me as a peer and partner in the relationship. In addition, she
would have to allow the equal sharing of power and responsibilities and worst of all her
lifestyle might change.
These things she could not allow – it was a "rebellion of the slaves" as she saw it. At the
time, the outward appearance of the family was upwardly mobile, reaching the zenith of
career success and income, and a bright and promising future for our children. Image,
Status, Money, and Control were her gods.
At the time I was worth about $350,000 from my life insurance and about another
$300,000 in property. All setup for my spouse to receive. With my persistence to work
through our family issues using counselors, which she perceived as a threat to her "way
of life", control base, and having to face her plethora of emotional and mental issues; I,
unknowingly, was a problem that needed to be eliminated.
After weeks of a ravaging "illness" introduced by my spouse and two experiences with
death – mine, the doctor's admonishment was still echoing through my head, "as soon as you are well enough, get the hell out or there might not be a next time".
My claims of her attempt to collect my insurance and property with my death were
rebuffed and scoffed at by law enforcement, the courts, and even friends and close
associates. They all recognized something was going on, but they were unwilling to
pursue this issue even with hard evidence because she was a woman first and a mother
second. I was told that, "women weren't capable of violent acts – men were the
perpetrators of violence". When I countered with the question of why a woman's
prison existed populated with women convicted of violent acts I was told they were from
another state. I argued that my spouse and I had moved from another state and was told
we had been here long enough that it was the same as being from here.
Add to this mix the huge disconnect the counseling and medical community have with
the reality of the divorce laws, child support laws, unfamily court system and you have a
recipe for the deepest, darkest, swirling abyss of cataclysmic proportions. I could feel the
gusts from the abyss, but unless you have journeyed through this nightmare it is hard for
an outsider to comprehend.
This pattern of women first and mother second has been repeated for over 15 years and
still continues. I was given a hint of what was to come in the maelstrom that was forming
in the center of our lives. I had a very difficult and treacherous path ahead that was going
to impact the entire family. I foolishly hoped that my spouse would recognize that the
best interest of the family would be served by moving forward in a positive manner as
possible to reestablish our separate households and help our children adjust to the new
directions we would traverse. Even if we had moved forward in a positive manner it is
NOT in the best interest of the system to allow it. The system is self-propagating and
relies on conflict and being able to vilify one or both parties to justify their existence and
expand their fiefdoms.
For those who have ingested the false doctrine of woman are incapable of committing
violent crimes and the curious, review these articles:
